My Id is a stone-cold badass

stamp-114438_1920Often when people talk about the Id, Ego, and Superego, the Id kind of gets the short end of the stick. Poor Id tends to be described in negative terms. He is portrayed as an instinctive, dark, aggressive side of us that needs to be controlled by the superego. We tend to think we would be better off without him.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pretty sure my Id is a stone-cold badass.

I mean, sure, his “fight or flight” mechanism seems permanently switched to “fight” but is that such a bad thing when it’s so rarely triggered?

You’re probably wondering why I’m bringing this up today. Lucky for you, I’m about to tell you. But if you’re super squeamish, you might want to skip this one.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

First, it’s important to understand that I haven’t been sleeping well this week. This happens periodically, and I could blame it on work stresses or neurosis, but I think the truth is that my body just occasionally decides it doesn’t need any of this “sleep” business.

Last night, I went straight to sleep for the first time in a while.  Almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, in fact. It was beautiful.

There I was, blissfully asleep, and then I was slightly awake, feeling like my shirt was itchy.

Then I was asleep again.  Then I was a little more awake, again feeling like my shirt was weirdly itchy.

Then my Id came roaring to life and slapped the crap out of an inch-long roach that had been crawling around inside my shirt.

If you just freaked out a little bit, congratulations.  Multiply that by about 1000 and you will understand exactly how horrified I was.

What came next can be best explained as a conversation between Id and Ego.

EGO: “Wait what just happened?”

ID: “Nothing, go back to sleep.”

“Was that what I think it was?”

“What do you think it was?”

“Holy shit, there was a bug on me.”

“It’s fine. I killed it.”


“Nah, dude.  It was just a roach.”


“Too late.”


“It’s really not that big of a—“


“Well, I mean, that’s going to happen…”


“…Are you seriously going to make us lose half a night’s sleep over this?”

That was around 3:30am.  Since then I’ve taken three hot showers and fled the house for a coffee shop because I was too freaked out and still feeling its little feet crawling up and down my back.  My Id is still screaming for sleep, but that’s probably not gonna happen.

All I can say is thank god for Superego.  Because Ego kinda wants to nuke the house and Id would have a great time watching it burn.

You know, as long as he gets to sleep afterwards.

How to Juggle

woman-1439472_1280Anyone who has ever studied the business of being an artist knows it. You absolutely must have multiple income streams. That’s just the reality.

Obviously, it’s not ideal.  It goes against everything we know of how the brain works, how learning works, how happy lives are built…  But survival often involves compromise. The reality is that you will not get paid enough to survive for any one skill, but if you pursue multiple streams of income, you just might make enough to get by.

Capitalism forces artists to become chameleons.  I’ve accepted that and moved on.

What the advice-givers never explain is how you’re supposed to juggle all of these different income streams.

As an aspiring author, I have a website. If you Google my name, that is what you’ll find.  Which you already know, of course, because you’re here reading this.

Did you know that I also offer beginning piano and voice lessons?  Probably not.  But I have advertisements out in various places for that.  If those people Google me, they will find this website and be very confused.

I also make most of my money doing translation work. I would love to be able to make more money by working with clients directly, but that would involve building a second website, and how do I handle the logistics of that?  What happens when potential clients Google me and find my writing blog?  Do I create a DBA for my translation work and market myself under another name?  Do I just put my translation work on this website as another page?  Wouldn’t that be off-putting to clients?

And now I am interviewing for a tutoring job. I need something to get me out of the house, and the bit of income it would bring in is quite welcome, but that just adds one more level of confusion when people ask me what I do…

At what point do I start to make people feel that I couldn’t possibly be good at any of these things, because my offerings are too diverse?

I work very hard. I’ve never had a piano or tutoring student that didn’t make steady progress. My translation clients consistently give me great reviews.  The writing is slow going, and I know I’d be better if I could focus on that exclusively… But until some rich person comes along and offers to give me a grant to do nothing but sit and write, I have to find a way to pay the bills while I work on these projects.

How do I juggle all of this without making potential clients suspicious of my ability to juggle them?  How do I avoid confusing them when they are searching for a specific thing that I offer?

Are there any artists out there reading this who have struggled with the same problem?  How did you handle it?  Or are you as confused as I am?

Walter and Dylan on the brain…

I’ve been having trouble getting up the motivation to write lately.  I think it’s because I’ve been in the process of buying a house, which has been using up all of my energy (PS: my house is going to be awesome.  So excited!)

Today I was having trouble with motivation again, so instead of writing on my “real” projects, I started writing a new thing.

So now I’m writing Walter and Dylan’s journals from their summer training camp in 1997. They were 13 and 11, respectively. It’s hilariously adorable.  XD

I think I’m going to keep it up. Once I get to the end of the summer, I’ll start posting them on the blog.  :>

So look forward to that!